I came to India searching for connections or clues that would somehow bring me closer to my mother’s youth. Experiences that would make me understand why she loved it so much.
My first couples of weeks were filled with moments of regret, anger and a lot of loneliness. There were times I wanted to call it quits and get on a plane to anywhere. I felt like I was yelling at truth to show its face while the whole time it was right there in front of me.
There were times when I asked myself why? Answers seemed to float in the air while I jumped to grab them. They always seemed a little too far to touch.
I was trying too hard. By forcing a connection I kept getting pushed back. I was focusing on the wrong thing. I needed to be open and receive all my experiences as they came without giving them meaning or comparison.
These experiences have shown me so much. A new threshold of patience, appreciation, helplessness and trust has formed. I now know new limits within which will only allow for more to be created.
I saw how curious Indians were by nature. It wasn’t long before I became the same. The more I saw the more I wanted to know.
Through this curiosity I made connections…Connections of my own through experiences of my own. And although different than those of my mother’s the outcome and love for India turned out to be the same.